Marital Issues

If you are facing Domestic Violence

Within the four walls of homes, the violence against women is quite high. Domestic violence against is widely prevalent, but has remained largely invisible. Statistics reveal that 45% of Indian women are slapped, kicked or beaten by their husbands. (ICRW 2002).32% had committed acts of violence against their pregnant wives. Every 60 minutes a woman dies in India due to domestic violence. Women accept violence because social norms sanction them. At the same time, cultural conditioning and economic dependence prevent the vast majority of women leaving their marital homes. Though there is criminal law to prevent domestic violence, the recent civil law “Protection of women from Domestic Violence” is aimed at providing relief, compensation and support to a woman.

Verbal and emotional violence

  • Insult –not attractive, not smart, doesn’t respect him/his parents
  • accusing/insulting your parents
  • Name – calling
  • Accusations on your character or conduct etc
  • Insult for not having a male child
  • Insults for not bringing dowry etc
  • Preventing you or a child in your custody from attending school, college or any other educational institutions
  • Preventing you from taking up a job
  • Forcing you to leave your job
  • Preventing you or a child in your custody from leaving the house
  • Preventing you from meeting any person in the normal course of events.
  • Threat to commit suicide

Economic Violence

  • Not providing you money for maintaining you or your children
  • Not providing food, clothes, medicines etc, for you or your children
  • Stopping you from carrying on your employment
  • Not allowing you to take up on employment or
  • Taking away your income from your salary, wages etc
  • Not allowing you to use your salary wages etc
  • Forcing you out of the house you live in
  • Stopping you from accessing or using any part of the house
  • Not allowing use of clothes, articles, or things of general household use,
  • Not paying rent if staying in a rented accommodation etc.

Physical violence

  • Slapping
  • Beating
  • Hitting
  • Biting
  • Kicking
  • Punching
  • Pushing
  • Shoving
  • Causing bodily pain or injury in any other manner

Sexual Violence

  • Forced sexual intercourse
  • Forced you to look at pornography or any other obscene pictures or material
  • Any act of sexual nature to abuse humiliates or degrade you, or which is otherwise violating of your dignity or any other unwelcome conduct or sexual nature.

Salient features of the DV Act are:

  • PWDVA seeks to cover all those women who are or have been in a domestic relationship with a man including live-in relationships, bigamous marriage and fraudulent marriages.
  • The Act gives the women right to reside in the shared household.
  • Protection orders can be given by the magistrate immediately to stop violence.
  • It provides counseling for both parties singly or jointly.
  • The act stipulates that within 3 days the case has to be registered and in 60 days all requisite relief measure to be given.

Whom to report domestic violence incident

  • Nearest Police station
  • Protection officer (Project director women and child welfare department of the Dist) Contact your local protection officer
  • Service provider (appointed by the State Government) is the Magistrate.

If you don’t have shelter

Nearest protection office or service provider to provide shelter in a shelter home.

For medical facilities

Nearest protection office or service provider to provide any medical aid

Obtaining orders or relief

  • Application to Magistrate
  • For payment of compensation or damages
  • Right to reside in a shared house hold
  • Protection order
  • Prohibiting committing any act of domestic violence
  • Aiding or abetting
  • Entering the place of employment
  • Or she is a child in school
  • Attempting to communicate in any form including personal, oral , written, electronic or telephonic contact

Alienating any assets

  • Operating bank lockers, bank accounts used or held or enjoyed by both the parties jointly with her or single Stridhan.
  • Causing violence to the dependants to her relatives or any person.
  • Any other act
  • Residence orders
  • Monetary relief
  • Custody orders
  • Compensation orders

Dowry Harassment

What should your complaint include?

  • Details of marriage including wedding card, marriage certificate, photos, videos etc.
  • Name(s) of accused persons and their details like addresses and passports etc.
  • Details of harassment like duration, time period, place and type of harassment.
  • Details of demand of dowry, if any
  • Bank statement, if you have drawn dowry from the bank
  • Details of the cheque, if you have paid the dowry in that form.
  • Details of the person to whom it was handed over.
  • In case of physical violence, details of injuries and type of weapon.
  • Doctor’s prescription or case sheets of the treatment of such injuries.
  • Details of the elders who had arranged the marriage and who tried to patch up the differences.
  • Places where the mediation/counseling sessions were held
  • Details of witnesses, especially independent witnesses and your own children.
  • Any written agreements during marriage.
  • Details of gifts in the form of movable property like jewels/cash/garments/ vehicles and immovable property like plots/flats.
  • Any written/voice communication between the partners, the victim and the parents in the form of letters, emails, voice records etc.
  • Reasons for the delay in lodging the complaint, if any.
  • Signature of the victim and contact number.

Marital problem stress

Are you suffering from stress? Is stress affecting your relationship? You might find it difficult to answer there questions because sometimes stress affects your relationship so bad that you don’t even come to know of it until its too late. Sometimes stress affects you so bad that though you feel that your actions (like snapping at your partner, shouting at your kid, not being able to take interest in household activity etc) are justified, you do not realize that these actions will harm your relationship.

Many people like solitude when they are feeling stressed. You might feel that you need this space but your partner could easily take this separation as a lack of desire to be around him. This can lead to problems in your relationship and if not handled this situation properly, stress can lead a much serious tragedy. Therefore you need to identify the problem affecting you and not let stress affect your relationship. Make sure you’re keeping your emotions in check with these tips.

Control your temper

If you’re feeling like you’re being a little more negative than usual and you are snapping at people without genuine reason, then its stress that’s making you do so. During such a time its better that you do not do or say anything harsh. The last thing you want to do is make your partner feel like you don’t enjoy being around him or that your feelings are dwindling. It may be too late to take back something you’ve said, but you can at least stop to explain why it happened.

Learn to balance your loads.

Make sure you’re spending appropriate time on each area of your life. Don’t spend all your time at work, and don’t load up all your free time with activities. You should learn to balance work and family. Both need your undivided attention. So do justice to both. If someone asks if you are available to do something, never plan something that will interfere with your previously scheduled dates.

Give time to your spouse and family.

Remember in order to have a healthy relationship it is very important that you regularly spend sometime together with your partner privately. Go on a picnic or to a movie or a quite dinner together and this routine should never stop. If you have children, you should also add days for spending time just with your children. If you are a very busy person then coordinate dates with your partner so your schedule doesn’t conflict. Make it a priority to spend at least two days a month with your partner outside, away from your daily life, doing something.

Don’t worry, be happy.

In the bigger scheme of things it doesn’t matter the things you’ve accomplished, but rather how you felt while accomplishing them. It doesn’t matter if you’ve made it to the top of your company if you don’t enjoy life. When you feel the ebbs of stress creeping up your neck, just take a deep breath and relax. Think of all the good things around you and all the love that your family has showered on you and this will help you overcome all the stress in your life.

Following are a few tips to combat stress

  • Proper Nutrition-Eat healthy and your mind and spirits will remain healthy and stress free
  • Exercise-Exercise is the best way to let out frustration and stress. Exercise regularly and you will live a stress-free life.
  • Sleep-A good night’s sleep is essential to clear your head and combat stress.
  • Personal Space-If you feel bitter and angry and you think that this will lead to spoiling your relationship, its better that you take some time out and analyze your problems. Go get a message or meditate for sometime and this way you can take control of the situation and improve your mood.
  • Seek and take professional help
  • There is no shame in seeking help of a counsellor or a psychiatrist. Opening up before a trained counsellor eases your mind and helps re-bond with your spouse. In case of need, psychiatrists can prescribe mild drugs to get over depression. When used as per prescription of a specialist trained doctor, they do not have any significant side effects.
  • The first step towards solving marital problems is the recognition and acknowledgement that there IS a problem and your willingness to solve it. Being open minded and accommodative can mitigate any kind of marital stress. Believe us – every problem does have a solution. Good luck.